Go Sell This #8: Jesus Crud

jesus crud

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Sex Fridge

According to this author’s confession to his priest, at least one woman in his life has matured enough to accept the idea of have a fridge stocked with snacks placed next to the bed in which the do their essential lovemaking. The sole condition posed by the woman was that the eats be reserved for after the intercourse. The author reluctantly agreed, fearing the solution would drastically increase the probability of having to cuddle–something every sane male despises.

In all this, though, the woman clearly cares about her sex life as much as satiating the author’s appetite. Her orgasms have improved in both frequency and intensity and she constantly dreams about her lover’s magnificent penis. No complaints heard anywhere, including the fridge manufacturer.

For his part, the priest was delighted to hear all this. He loves it when people get along and has requested that the next confession be accompanied by a series of sexually explicit photographs of the couple. With or without the snacks in the frame.

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Video Japan

Japanese video games have a flavor so distinct that even a person with no tongue could taste it. Different people than the bland–honestly, bland–American masses hungry for more standardized, convenient, mind-numbing entertainment and then complaining they are not getting anything new.

The reasons why Japanese video games boast the originality they do are many. But since today things pretty much always end up in bed with economics, I’m going to say the number one reason why Japanese games are so distinct is that developers and publishers in Japan prioritize the Japanese market over the American.

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To prioritize any but the vast North American consumer market would be crazy for anyone else in the video game industry, but since the Japanese market is itself big and absorbent, the move generally works for those who understand it well, i.e., the Japanese themselves.

And so NA and Europe can sometimes gobble up a neat title like Nier: Automata, an existentialist action RPG with an android named 2B sporting the best butt in the history of video gaming. The game, directed by a guy in a mask (see pic), who justifies the presence of the glorious butt by his simple liking of girls , could probably never have been created in NA or Europe as a triple-A title without getting artistically castrated in the process.

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Thank Japan for Yoko Taro and the other faceless (pun!) people toiling away at these things, I guess. They not only make dough on these things and cultivate a wacky image, but also make things of value unseen in the vast majority of Western titles. To be honest, Nier isn’t even my thing. But, well, Dark Souls is also Japanese, and that’s one little gem. Three, actually. A game to change all… well, a few other games. To respect the gamer and create a genre.

To be fair, we know most of the games coming from Japan are crap too–just like outside of Japan–but at least there is some space among the Japanese consumer base for something that conventional market logic would say is suicidal. And market suicide, even as an unsuccessful attempt, is to be appreciated. Corporations like Square Enix or Konami are still evil, don’t get me wrong, but it’s nice when they crap out something valuable sometimes.

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Go Sell This #7: Paystation 4

paystation 4The Paystation 4, center of your home entertainment. Produced in Shenzen, China, at Foxconn, one of the largest electronics manufacturer in the world, a complex of factories where western capital squeezes the life out of Chinese workers who on occasion just happen to jump out of windows there. That’s how happy they are for you and me to be able to play video games. So the management installed “safety nets” all around, thus decreasing the rate of successful suicide attempts. That’s commitment to worker welfare, no?

It’s just entertainment, folks.

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Go Sell This #6: YWBFTWITWS

you will bleed from the wound in the world's sideNotice how I say will instead of shall? That’s me being unpretentious.

Notice how I say I am being unpretentious? That’s me being pretentious.

Notice how I say I am being pretentious? That’s me being unpretentious.

Notice how you think you’ve just wasted a minute of your time?

That’s you being a dick.

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Go Sell This #5: Now or Later

NOW OR LATER

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Go Sell This #4: Life is Cheap

LIFE IS CHEAP

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